KUNJ CHITALIA- COMPUTER ENGINEER!!!

PART 3-COMEDIES AND BRAVERIES!!!!




Here r some of my adventures,comedies n braveries at Engineering...

ATTENDENCE:

1 of the reasons I hav been famous(or infamous)in comps n kind of support n inspiration to many is... attendance....
if u want to bunk a lec or pracs but ur name is shining in the defaulters list...
either u attend it forcefully
OR
say this to urself...chhod na...kunj,mohit,sutta,gogri log ka to hum log se bhi kam hai...
wo log to aaj college bhi nai aaya..aur kunj galti se aaya bhi,to break mein ghar jaane ke baad to wapas nai ayega...kuch hoga to phele wo log ko detain karenge...chal jate hai....

The attendance factor wil always be associated with me...
So here r some acknowledgments, highlights n credits in beatin the 75% mark... (officially)...


ACKNOWLEDGMENTS:

1)ALL THE DEFAULTER LISTS...

2)the 'love' letters sent to my parents from proctor n college...(we wil detain ur ward if he dsnt attend...lol)

3)MALI ma'am....(after term end wen she was suppose to sign my assignment...she asked chintan...IS KUNJ IN MY CLASS...n she was my project guide...lol)

4)the 8th sem...with cet prep in 1st month,n goa after cet,i had attended coll only for 2 days in entire jan and feb...n after attendin in my 'NORMAL way'...my attendance dint even reach 60% in ny theory subjects at term end...n yet without ny medical or extra lecs or ny extra assignments...I slipped out quietly...guess I dint come to coll at all so tat they could even catch me n question me...


HIGHLIGHTS:

1)There wasnt a single defaulters list in which my name has not been BLACKED...tats true..not even in the 1st sem were many wer a bit conscious of the consequences...in not even a single sem hav I reached 75%...even after those extra lecs..n without ny full fledged medical certificate in all 8 sems...

2)I havnt attended a single lec of a subject called presentation n communication skills....0% unofficial attendance...i can count on my fingers the no of lecs i hav attended for some profs who use to allow proxies but 0%...tat too for a prof who would hav caught my proxy many a times...towards the end,just to maintian this record,I even bunked its term test tat was held in the last lec...haha

3)PRACS-I had bunked 7 pracs(without proxies)for S.E in 7th sem...guess tats the highest I have even heard for some1 without medical certi...
after bunkin 6, i bunked the last 1 for playin football with bakwaas gang...coz they convinced me tat if i was to be detained...6 bunks or 7 bunks would not make much of a diff...lol


CREDITS:

1)PROXIES...As nishit feels...'mere khayal rakhne walw log bhaut the'...
I guess khushbu must hav signed against my name more then me...atleast in the last year...

2)Had it not been the company of mohit,nishit n kunal in bunkin...it would hav been really difficult for me to maintain such consistency...

3)GOIN HOME FOR LUNCH:
I never returned after lunch break...if ever I did...there had to be some real concrete reason...but i should not be blamed for tat...
after havin a full course meal...who would want to get up from the couch,come back in the sunny afternoon just to attend a swati mali of a sharma sirs lec...


So tats my story as far as attendance is concerned...And if u find some competition for me in the attendance section...i would like to eliminate this by sayin no medical certificates....atleast in the major achievement sems...



Movin on in my bravery section...the next 1 after attendance is exams n vivas...
1st things 1st...had I not been frnds with a certain khushbu busa,I would definitely hav had a k.t. in 1 of the subjects....or may be many....
Being highly frustrated from this technical field,i started loosin interest n subsequently patience sem after sem...here are some of my frustration driven achievements...


1)sem 2...ED(engg drawing)...

I hated drawin...so wen it came to completing the assignment sheets of orthography i was so irritated tat i refused the teacher to complete them...'u cut my term work marks n mark this incomplete but i wont complete this' is wat I told her..poor miss shivangi ruparel ma'am...I remember her completing my last assignment sheet...imagine the level of irritation due to which I managed to make a teacher complete my assignment...
also i dint even bother to buy a book(part 2) of ED....attempted only part1 in final paper n managed to pass....

CONSEQUENCE:I scored only 60(theory ppr n term work combined)were majority scored more than tat only in theory...ny ways i saw tat through...not even buyin a book to study half the portion for a subject I dint like,was just a foundation of the madness that followed sem by sem...

2)SEM 3-MATHS 3

Of the 4 chap we had...I studied only 2...complex no. n matrix....no laplace n no fourier...
those who hav been there might no the importance of atleast knowing the formula of fourier series...tats the most basic preperation 1 can ask for...i dint even know the formula...so in the ppr...i attempted 50 marks n managed to score a 40...many of my frnds scored more than double...

3)ADBMS:

My 1st vivas where i dnt even open ny notes or book ever before the vivas date...I read my 1st word in the coll on the day of vivas...tat seemed to be brave then but I n many of my frnds repeated it many a times in the forthcomin sem...

4)WEB TECHNOLOGY:

After mastering the art of studyin in coll itself on the D day for vivas, I magaged to repeat it but this time around in a theory ppr...my selfless frnd khushbu taught me for 3 hrs...8 30 to 11 30...n I studied for another 3hrs 11 30 to 2 30 n managed to score a 40...trust me...its like the smallest crash course ever...hard to describe in words but those who had seen me tat day might either slap me for bieng this stupid or give me a red n white bravery award for being extra ordinarily brave....

5)SEM 8-C.V.

If I had written my ppr at 8 in the mornin...i would hav managed to write only for 10 marks...but the ppr was at 11...n that might just be the extra 30 marks...wil boast bout it after my 8th sem results...or wil delete this post if i get a k.t..... IF these few were memorible...the other 1s were surely not gr8...they were just like how an engineer's exam should be....


So this was my(or a generalized for many) algorithm for a majority of the exams....

1)START---extremely late to study for the exams,
2)'kuch nai ho raha hai yaar'.....,
3)'khushbu mere ko sihka'.....,
4)'yogesh chalna revise karte hai.2 ghante mein sab thusa hai...sab khichdi hai dimag mein...'
5)'lagnewalla hai dost...thoda bhaut kiya hai...dekhte hai'.....,
6)'bandish ppr mein dikhna plz.nai to aaj gaya',
7)after exams...'70 ka likha hai'....,
8)exams result read 40+....
9)'next time se jaldi chalu karega'....
10)if(engg exam)
goto step 1...;
else
STOP(hopefully...coz i dnt wanna use this algo in MBA exams...)


Tats been the common story for almost all my exams...but some how, have managed to escape(so far)...
I wil always remember the adventures of engg...be it the combine studies, or the exams or the pracs or the lecs...
n mazak mazak mein 4 yrs khatam....

If u think all these events were stupid or brave or comic or wierd...then that was actually how my engineering was...
so after all the fun n frustration...a significant journey came to an end....
n it doesnt matter how much i know bout nything related to computers....if some 1 asks me what hav I studied...all I can say(thanks to mumbai university) is....

KUNJ CHITALIA....COMPUTER ENGINEER!!!!!

THE FUN FACTOR IN ENGINEERING-MY BAKWAAS GANG

PART-2




ADVENTURES WITH BAKWAAS GANG!!!!



At K.J Somaiya College besides having regular lectures ,the students have to endure the weekly tests, long practicals and heavy duty journal completions.
.
We have maged to handle this AATYACHAR in our own ways and have successfully done so for the last 3 years…..Yeah..of course ..we have had our disappointments and disasters in the process of getting the formula right, but all said and done we have managed fine so far.

The golden rule which we dutifully follow at BAKWAAS

“TO BEAT THE SYSTEM…YOU HAVE TO CHEAT THE SYSTEM”


STATUTORY WARNING:
1) Use the CHEAT CODES at your own risk
2) Consequences of using the Cheat Codes is disastrous to future Career.It may make you lazy ,unambitious and “i-dun-give-a-damn” type of person ,ultimately making you overconfident and ruining your life.

NYWAYS...Lets get on with the Bakwaas Cheat Codes for making your journey in engineering as eventful and as enjoyable as ours…
Chao!!




SYSTEM TORTURE 1: TESTS
BAKWAAS CHEAT CODE :COPYING


At Somaiya they have invented a genious way of torturing students.Besides final exams we have weekly tests.And if this was not enough we have two tests for every subject .

Normal method:(followed by the SCHOLAR category):
Study hard for entire previous week. Then study the entire night before the test. Then come to college and learn the difficult part of the portion and give the test.

OUR METHOD:

1) Method 1:
Copy from the person sitting exactly in front or exactly behind you during the test.
If you are Priyank, you can take help from any student sitting anywhere in the class.

This method is time tried and tested.But on some occasions it has failed.
And failed miserably.

Eg:
Situation:
During one of the term tests 3 members of bakwaas gang were sitting as positions indicated
Nishit-----Ameya---n--ME.

Ameya had given his answer sheets to both nishit and me.

The supervisor was aware of some suspicious movement on these benches and went over to keep an eye on them.
Seeing this, Nishit had a idiotically brilliant idea.He couldn’t copy in front of the supervisor,so he put ameyas sheet behind his own and started copying only the left hand side of the answer .
The supervisor at once saw what was going on; he grabbed the paper from nishit
And said
“Kiska paper hai yeh”
Nishit “ Ma’am Ameyas”

Ameya was already terrified and frightened.
He blurted”.aiiin???par..par..mera paper tere pass kaise aaya..”
The whole class started laughing.
Waah,by sum unknown miracle ameyas paper had simply slipped on to nishits bench..lol
Seeing that the situation was going out of control nishit tried to bribe the supervisor.
Nishit :”ma’am ,cut my attendance…but give my paper”
But in vain …he was robbed of his paper.

Now ameya had another tension.One of his sheet was with me.So he started pinching me to give his sheet back to him..
And i said:
“ Arre bhaggu,maine daal diya tera sheet tere pass..dekh neeche pada hoga..”
So after all this drama ameyas 2nd answer sheet was in his desk while he was worried it was with me..Phew…wat comedy of errors.
They got of the soup safe and sound but new comers may take a note of this situation .


2) Method 2:
Another loop hole in K.J is that teachers (on extreme pursuation by students) give Question Banks comprising of 10 important questions out of which 5 will definitely come for the exam.Morover due to lack of answer sheets we had to use our own full scape sheets as supplements for the test.

So the Bakwaas minds started to work on cracking this situation as well.
This requires a bit of hard work but works wonderfully and yu’ll complete your paper in no time

Step 1: Write each of the question(or the most likely questions) on a separate single fullscape sheet at home or early morning before the test in the library.

Step 2: During the test ,for first 45 minutes write just one answer.

Step 3: In the next 15 minutes remove the full scapes containing the answers which have been asked in the exams and staple them to the main supplement.

That’s it you are done.All answers word to word from the text book and so huge making teacher wonder at what speed you write your paper..lol

In case of Official supplements, try smuggling some blank supplements directly after every test. They come handy for the next test.

This has failed only on occasions where people have been clumsy.

Eg:situation:

Sumit ,was writing a term test in the Einstein hall.
While removing the written answer fullscapes from the plastic bag…he made such a fuss that even the most ignorantly deaf man could have been attracted to the noise.
So far it has helped a hell lot of us to get out of term work marks unscatched and unharmed.Thanks to sheet stapling.



3)Method 3:

After they found out that people were scoring extremely well in the test, the Somaiya guys came up with a new idea. They made two different set of papers A and B.
Two students were made to sit side by side and both of them had a different set.

But we again ,were not to be left behind….

Every member sat with a guy who had studied for the test .
They then wrote the same set which their neighbour was writing
During the signing of the sheet by the supervisor the real set name was written.
But during submission of the answer sheet and on final bell, a hyper chaotic situation was created in the class…and in all the jumbling we changed our answer sets matching to the set from which we had copied the answers.

Thenga to the super intellectual SET theory.

This is actually a high risk method and increases the chances of getting caught if the examiner checks the questions in the set. One such situation arised with Mohit and me.


I was idiotically copying from the Yogesh’s set A and mohit was sitting behind me again copying the same set.
So in all there were 3 people writing the answers from the same set A on two consequitive benches.Mohit,me and Yogesh.

I was caught by the supervisor when she checked for the different answers in set A and set B.
When she found that I was writing the set A when he was supposed to write set B,she took away his paper.Yogesh was straightaway given a Zero.
This got Mohit in a dilemma…..
So he got on with writing answers from set B
And ultimately Mohits answer sheet consisted of two answers from set A and two answers from set B.lol
SUCH STUPIDITY NEEDS TO BE AVOIDED.Young guns please note!!




SYSTEM TORTURE 2: FINAL EXAMS
Our next stop over: The semester final exam .The most risky of all the situations where you can use the Cheat Codes. This is an extremely HIGH RISK zone where one single mistake may cost you a year or may have you debarred for 3 years.

Besides using the normal “aagewale se chapo “ method which is very actively used by Baxi, me, Sutta ,K.K and most other members in the gang, people like priyank have introduced more riskier methods of beating the system.
In the “ aagewale se chapo” method a lot is dependent on the person sitting in front of you.
But if you are desperately in need of marks and are sure you are gonna flunk in exam then here are some methods which have been very successfully implemented cept for some.they are listed below:

Method 1: Easy solutions
The answers given in the “EASY SOLUTIONS” are precise,.to the point and compact enough to be cut and stuffed into your pant pockets.In case where you are a hopeless ,shameless and useless engineer wear 6 pocket pants and a shirt with a upper pocket consisting of an index to tell you which answer is in what pocket.

Method 2: Nishit method ( highly harmful, extreme caution required)

Carry a cloth pouch cum pencil box with white interiors.
Write answers on the inner side of the pouch.
Act to search for a eraser or sharpener or refill every 10 minutes and read the answer from the pouch.
After every exam give the pouch to your “Kaamwali bai” for thorough washing,
So that you can have it ready for the next exam.

Disaster:
Gaavwala getting caught with his pouch confiscated and facing severe consequences which were not effective enough for him as he still copied regularly in his term tests.





SYSTEM TORTURE 3: PRACTICALS


Though not as torturous as lectures,the practicals may get very boring if you do not have good innovative and creative friends like the bakwaas gang members around.
These creations can be dubbed as the most intellectual ways of passing time in computer practicals and may be used without the fear of getting caught and whats more…the professor may actually think you are working hard on the program.

Some of our highly sophisticated ways of passing 3 hours in any Computer practicals can be given as below:

GAMES WE PLAY:

Game 1:
CD DRIVE RACE:
This involves any number of players and an appropriate number of umpires to keep a watch.
Here on the umpires signal all the players press the CD drive button on their pc.
The member whose CD drive opens full and closes fastest is the WINNER.
HINT( it helps if the umpire is a friend)

Game 2:
BINARY GAME:
Here you have to form binary numbers using the 3 LED lights to the right of your key board.
Use the 3 keys SCROLL LOCK,NUM LOCK and CAPSLOCK on the keyboard to change the lights.
Eg:
If the umpire says number “2”
The binary representation is : 0 1 0
So only the middle light should be on ,the other lights have to be off.. So you just press Caps lock.
One who does so fastest is the WINNER.
(HINT: it helps if you don’t have a K.T in DLDA)

Game 3:
Define a point on the C++ screen , and get the cursor to the exact point as decided by the umpire.
HINT: No amount of cheating can help you in this game. Its purely a talent based game.



PRANKS WE PLAY:

Besides playing games we do fool around with each others computers and do hell lot of prankings.

Some of them are:

1)Shutting neighbours pc, without his knowledge
2)Transfering songs and movies from the folder which has been very generously filled by other Bakwaas gang members who have already done good work in the practical labs.
3)Press lever of partners chair making his seat drop down.
4)Go out on the pretext of going to the loo and come back after having 2 vadapavs ,one dabeli and socializing with other bakwaas members

PRACTICALS WE PERFORM:

How we have survived the practicals till now is still an unsolved mystery to us.
I guess the various unique strategies we use have helped us pass through the 6 semesters without anyone having a hint that we are miserable at programming.
Anyway,our most important strategies include:

1)Copy from neigbour (only if its bhavin or palak)

2)Access divyas ,bhavins or other shit gang members pc using network ip addresses and get the readymade programs from their computers.

3)Search for programs previously done by other studious jerks and rename them with yur name…gives it a personal touch you see.

NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR:
If everything else fails then just do some basic stuff ..like writing all the header files you know like:

#include stdio.h
#include conio.h
#include math.h
(I know only these,since past 3 years)



Next time when the teacher asks for the programs…..speak out this eternally famous dialogue
“MAAM, ACTUALLY LAST TIME I HAD DONE THE PROGRAM.
IT WAS EVEN RUNNING.BUT I CANT FIND IT NOW.
SOME ONE MUST HAVE DELETED IT.
”
Has saved us all of us n number of times.







SYSTEM TORTURE 4: JOURNAL COMPLETION


At Bakwaas we follow strict rules.
One does not complete any journals before correction date is announced.
Only once the correction and submission dates have been announced we start gathering ammunition for the WAR.

We use the following methods dedicatedly

1) Method 1:
Collect all the journal material from the most punctual guys in the class.
Buy 2 bundles of both side ruled and one side ruled journal pages
Arrive at Priyanks place at 11.00 pm
Complete all journals amidst Loud Rock Music with Baxi as the DJ changing songs on priyanks PC.

2) Method 2:
Write in the worst possible handwritting(like mine) so tat the teacher is not able to und wat u hav written.also write using as many lines u can n leavin as much space between the words as u can.this wil help u skip paras n paras n save u hell lot of time.

3) Method 3:
Write any shit and correct the journals your self.
Usually these journals are given to Darinda for correction as he is considered the most accurate forger of the lot..
But after himself getting caught by Prof.Chandan,his popularity has received a kind of blow. None the less he is not the one to give up and has continued doing favours for others long after the episode.

There r many more incidents but is impossible to list them all.....
but to sum it up...BAKWAAS GANG is full of the most mad,item n time pass set of ppl i hav ever met....cheers to the cartoons.................!!!!

MY TRYST WITH ENGINEERING

PART-I





SOME 1ST EXPERIENCES N SOME 1ST IMPRESSIONS!!!
4 yrs ago,wen I went to coll for the 1st time....i was there with my junior coll frnds to check our div....n guess wat..all the shahs n sheths were in div B...n i was in A....my 1st disappointment in Engg....

Guess i wasnt prepared for the fact that inspite of 6 frnds sharing the same course not even 1 was with me...n so with a sad face...i went on to attend my 1st lec....n there it was...i was 10 minutes late...n there came my 2nd dissappointment...
Lookin at the main bldn durin admissions process i dint realize that our lec wil be held in a bldn behind it that was a 2 floor vintage bldn...they called it the workshop bldn...n it looked like 1....lookin at tat bldin...i was thinkin...should i hav taken d.j. sanghavi....this place sucks....n the thought got stronger wen i found out a classroom that had no electricity...
O wat a horrible start.........
ppl remember some of their 1sts....but i dnt remember nythin after that coz i was far too dissappointed to be there...n that to without my garodian frnds....i might laugh on being disappointed for such silly reason now but then i was seriously thinking to write a request letter to change my div...coz i dnt want to bear this all alone....n i dint think i would even be able to be frnds with a single person from tat class...

Coz there was a certain PRIYANK DESHMUKH who came n sat next to me next mornin...wearin a sleeveless n a three-fourth n all sweatin...guess he might top the list of the worst 1st impressions...for not only in my list but the entire divs list...n everytime i looked at him all tat came to my mind was d.j.sanghvi???????..............

Then there was a certain KHUSHBU BUSA....she came n sat next to a YOGESH CHANDE who voluntarily agreed to be the C.R of our class....n that was the 1st couple gossip for us... There was this huge discussion in canteen wen we came to know that they dint knew each other at all n inspite of tat this girl kept talkin n irritating tat poor guy for the whole lec.........n had she been sittin next to me....all i would hav been thinking would be d.j. sanghvi....

I had some happy times between the lecs to meet my frnds from tat div...but then i was back for my praticals....

My 1st pracs(atleast the 1st i remember) were my mechanics pracs...
there i met my practical partner(agge ke roll no walla)BANDISH CHHEDA...
there were only 2 girls in our so called A1 batch...(no tat was not my next dissappointment...coz i wasnt expectin nythin frm 'tat' department)....n 1 girl was khushbu...

The other 1 dint look normal...n i was right...she was ...(a girl from some village who use to address every1 sayin AAP...wen a guy named AAKASH borrowed a protractor from her 1ce n misplaced it,she shouted n scolded him so badly that he had to go out in the lunch break n buy a new 1 for her)....n as the pracs progressed this Chheda was busy flirtin with that girl durin the whole pracs...seein that some had said...chheda ne....ko cheda...n wen i heard just a sentence of there conversation(he was asking her...tu kaunse gao se hai...)i was shocked hearin tat question....all i was thinkin was......d.j.sanghvi???

Then came another disaster....the workshop...
I was lookin like a joker in my boiler suit(coz wo mere length ka nai milta tha) the 1st time i wore it n behaved like a joker the entire workshop for the next 1 yr....m glad tat it was just for a yr...i just hated it...ny ways...some guys from my batch who were from U.P n bihar n other gao's(abhinav Bose,saurab bajaj n ANURAG AGRAWAL)were talkin in typical bhaiya language n i was worried...after 4 yrs i might turn into a bhaiya too... n wen i saw that anurag agrawal smokin outside the coll...i started wonderin again...d.j,sanghvi???

Then there was this AMIT BAXI who use to speak some words occasionally in between his long sentence of GALIs...but tat was just the way I wil describe his 1st impression...
for the rest,he wil always be remembered as the 1 who was asked to name 3 hot girls in our div by a guy(SHAWN FRANCIS) n he had famously replied...the 3 girls would be....NEHA,NEHA and NEHA...its been 4 yrs now...n all from my group has known neha only bcoz of this baxi......or rather bcoz of that shawn who made this into a big news....
it was hard to believe tat an almost bald guy who would be doin such bakwaas n faltugiri all the time would be our topper....

N almost 3 weeks down when every1 seemed settled...there came a new admission...his name was ANGAD CHAWLA....all those who know him would have their hand on their head or a grin on their face just by readin his name....if not seein him much in the coll was all bout his 1st impression...then it stayed the same for all the 4 yrs....m not too sure how many ppl recieved a good mornin msg frm thier loved 1s every mornin but many ppl in our div surely recieved a msg from angad almost every mornin for 4 yrs that read...plz sign for me or plz put my proxy tday...

Some 1st impressions were just unforgettable...some were pretty normal....as days passed by...i got habituated to these ppl n started makin some really good frnds...n by the end of the 1st sem i had strong friendships with NISHIT GOGRI N PRIYANK DESHMUKH...n a normal rapport with the most...
So there it was....the start of a journey called...engineering....